Bitterness is a Cancer to the Soul

"I don't wanna be bitter, bitter, bitter
I don't wanna be bitter, bitter, bitter
I don't wanna be bitter, bitter, bitter
I don't wanna be bitter... so take it all away"

                                                   -Andy Mineo, "Bitter"

I first heard of Andy Mineo from a close friend of mine over a year ago. I was then getting exposed to Lecrae and how awesome of a Hip-Hop artist he was. It was refreshing to hear a rapper who happens to be a Christian conveying God through lyrics and well produced tracks.  If ever you listen to him (if you haven't already), you'll find yourself bobbing your head, listening to what he says before having to go back and notice the mixture of truth and ingenuity of word placement.  Andy Mineo does this as well, especially on his album Heroes for Sale (2013). This is one of my favorite songs, as well as "Uno Uno Seis", “Saints", "Still Bleeding", "Curious" and "You Will". 

Aside from listing tracks and pretty much promoting two of my  freshly-favorite music artists, I wanted to touch base on the topic of the song "Bitter". Andy Mineo expresses in the song that he doesn't want to be bitter towards those in his life who has rejected him (his dad in particular). He recalls that if God can forgive him for what he's done, why can't he mimic the same? I've had bitterness towards my father for a while, but I was released from that years ago after realizing that he's a human being just like I am. Not only that, if God can forgive him and allow him to live life, why shouldn't I? What made me better than my father to the point that I devalued his existence because of a decision he made decades ago? The Bible consistently mentions forgiving others, for God has forgiven us indefinitely (Matthew 6:14-15, Hebrews 10:17, Daniel 9:9, and Colossians 1:13-14).  Despite what my father has or hasn't done, God has shown him great mercy and grace, making sure that he is fully loved just as much as I am and everyone else. The price for our sins varies in no way, for His son died for all of us that were present and never have been born.

Recently, while working at my job the other day, I begin to feel a great sense of bitterness. I could even feel water build up behind my eyes, ready to spill out of the sides. My blood begin to boil, causing me to shift my head side to side in attempt to shake off the feeling. How could they not care, is what I asked myself.  I wanted to call them and wish them a horrible day. It would have been sickly pleasing to dampen their spirit, make them feel what I felt a year ago and how careless they appeared, but what good would that have done? We’ve all experienced selfishness and hurting someone, whether we care about them or not. What makes that any different than what they or someone completely different may do to us? Yes, there is a point that we feel useless and emotionally violated, but don’t we do that to God all the time? I know I have.  There have been instances where I’ve prayed that He answers my prayers and after receiving His blessing, I continued with habits that initiated the problem.

Now days, before I exhibit full resentment or some form of dislike towards someone who has harmed me internally beyond instant repair, I ask myself, where’s your compassion? I have to inform myself that there is a reason why this person chose to disregard my concerns on the matter. There was a reason why my dad left when I was born. There’s a reason why this other individual hurt me, even if it was indirect and just as painful, if not slightly less. They were experiencing battles, whether they wanted to admit it or not, and probably didn’t want to risk any casualties, whether it was themselves or somebody else. Regardless, one must try to understand their actions didn’t lack reason. We may not know the specifications, but we do relate to the human desire to preserve self.

Being bitter not only sours the taste buds, but also the soul. It disallows one to see light in a place governed by sun. One becomes utterly blind to God’s blessings, spewing from the hands of others in countless scenarios. During that moment at work, I kept repeating Mineo’s words, “I don’t wanna be bitter, bitter, bitter…”, wanting God to “take it all away” because I can’t handle it. Holding on to that fire burns and sets other things ablaze, including relationships and opportunities. So what if this person appears to walk the world seemingly unaffected by what they have done or are currently doing. Let God deal with them in the way He sees fit. Notice what’s in front of you—life. It is a second filled with infinite possibilities. It is too terse to torture yourself with virulent thoughts of revenge or savage ways of compensating yourself for someone else’s negligence.

Love them if you can. Pray if you wish to make the time. They are in need of healing and assurance just as much as you are. Most of us have turned this life into a race and we’re not even certain if we’ll finish later or sooner. Why compete if we’re equipped with the same boundless abilities? If you feel that you are lacking something because someone “took it” away from you, change your perspective. Maybe what you had wasn’t meant for your possession because something greater was awaiting your attention. Maybe where you are destined to go doesn’t include that one person who has been supplying you with what you desired and assumed you needed.

One of my favorite songs that I’ve recently heard over the past few months was “Your Destiny” by Kevin LaVar. He sings, “Your destiny is too important to give up for anything “, and it is. Don’t let bitterness become your hindrance. Pray, forgive, and progress because “waiting on the other side of temptation, waiting on the other side of this test, is everything you ever dreamed, everything you prayed for, everything He promised you that you’ll get.”  Allow God to remove it so that you can reap what you have worked hard to obtain—your calling.