Our Story (Poem, 2017)

I wrote this because I love my sister. I wrote this because I can't see my life without her. I wrote this because our past has made us stronger, closer, and more equipped for everything that has come our way and will continue to do so. I've acquired much from her, and she, much from me. We continue to learn, love, and listen to suggestions on how to make things better. There's no going backwards unless there's something we forgot. She gives me the best hugs. I know our love is real through that alone. Thank God for restoration. Thank God our relationship was salvageable. Thank God for changing her heart and mine as well.

Love you forever, Nat.

Our Story

We once argued over the television

In front of company.
Even though we both loved
watching Laura Winslow and Steve Urkel
conduct strange chemistry
every Friday night,
sitting across from each other,
sharing the experience of marshmallows,
graham crackers, popcorn, and Kool-Aid
because now, like then, we agree
that Family Matters,

We were showcasing our own Family Feud,

Yet instead of seeking after popular answers,

We sought after each other.

The off and on button

Duked it out with the assistance of our fingers,

Awaiting a burned fuse if we hadn’t blown one already

During the verbal exchange.

Your mumbling retorts left shrapnel

In my feelings, for punk little boys like myself

Didn’t know how to retaliate, but ask,

Why does she always get the last word?

One morning, you told me

That I reminded you of Dad in appearance,

Not in character.

He was the first man to ever lie to you

And the last to ever do so

And get away with it.

Your crying cracked your voice
into pieces--
one for every time the truth
wasn't in him.

You’ve always been strong,

But at that moment, you were brittle

And I understood.

Mama sent us both to church camp,

But God changed you that summer.

Upon me returning home from visiting family,

I walked unto the porch and you hugged me…

For the first time. Your embrace held my soul

And every hope I’ve ever had of us finally getting along.

You introduced me to fiction and romantic comedies,

You baked my 26^th birthday cake with homemade,

Vanilla icing and yellow batter,

You bought me dress shirts two years

Before I got a steady job, showing faith

In my potential.

You made me cry during my college graduation party

Because I couldn’t think about my progression without you.
 

Your academia, accolades, and attitude

don’t do your confidence justice.

The red in your photos highlight not only your Delta blood,

But your smile that only a Pennywell could make.

Despite you traveling abroad,

having extensive knowledge about our culture

And each imperative role we play in its construction,

I still replay our argument in front of the TV.

I recall the mumbling

before Mom intervenes,

the way you twirled my hair

in your fingers while sucking your thumb as child,

The time Mom took us and our older sister

To see dad at a truck stop at three in the morning,

How weird it was to answer to a deep voice

We only heard on the other side of the land line,

A parent we couldn’t fully love

because it was hard to access his heart

When it was being given to another family.

I recall the distance and space

between mom and dad’s feet as they spoke,

always great, wide, full

Of disappointment and longing,

But not between us.

I recall sharing life with you

And having it no other way. 

 

-Calvin W. Pennywell Jr. (2017)