Money Ain't My Friend
I remember when getting paid was as fun as buying new shoes on a Friday after work. I remember waiting for the direct deposit to hit before hitting up my favorite restaurant , buying a full meal and consuming great butter rolls. I use to get fat with excitement, leaving no room for more responsibilities. Now, I'm 34-years-old, calling a lending service in relation to my student loans to get my payments lowered since I'm behind. The constant phone calls, sharp emails, and not being able to receive my income tax has been very discouraging. What's really been the knife in my chest has been my lowered credit score. I tell my fiancé that I blame my younger self for making some bad choices, causing me to clean up the mess in my thirties. She reminds me that I'm actually doing well, considering the fact the only thing hitting my credit other than an old credit card is my student debt. I'm grateful for that realization, but this whole adulting thing is starting to feel like cancer. My chemotherapy has been buying small things I don't need. The bad part is that it's feeding the problem, not fixing it.
This is a season of pruning for me. God is specifically guiding me so that I can make the best decisions now concerning my future with Adrianne and our possible kids. I have to make good choices now so that my future self can benefit. There's great regret for not making payments towards my loans when I should have and maxing out credit cards I couldn't pay off in a reasonable amount of time. When you're young, consequences appear to be optional , not unavoidable. They are the pile of dirty clothes you toss into the closet, hoping the door stays closed long enough to keep out the smell. Eventually, flies will surface and spread upon your clean wardrobe. I'm certain you don't want the bad mixing with the old. If that's the case, everything is ruined, requiring a clean sweep that could have been avoided.
I write this to say that despite all, I'm still going, pushing through the madness. Fortunately, I've had a spirit of consistency and persistence. Nothing can stop me once I put my mind to it. Only God can provide a halt that will stop in my tracks and cause me to pivot (my sister sent me a birthday card, emphasizing the word "pivot" from the show, Friends, when Ross--well, never mind ). Maybe that's what I should do--pivot. I've been going at this all wrong. Instead of seeing what I don't have, focus on what I do. I repeat often that God gives you what you need and if more is required, more will be acquired, but by His will. Some may read this and believe I'm being too religious. That's understandable. Basically, if you need more, you'll get more. Simple as that. I've had a bad experience with finances since I started working at the age of 17. No one taught me how to save and spend. Now that I'm older, I have to learn this for the first time because it's no longer about me. As a soon-to-be husband, it makes a great difference.
If there is anything you can take from this, please consider the following: you are not your credit score, you are not your student loans, and you are not irresponsible with money, just misguided. You have the intent and potential to make wise, financial decisions. You have to be willing to put them into practice. I mentioned that we all are possibly in 1 of 3 seasons--the season of receiving, the season of letting go, or the season of both. What do you want tomorrow and what are you willing to give up today to make that happen? I'm willing to give up my old self so my current self can relax and not carry him like I have. This life is too short. Put yourself in the position to make better choices before your bad ones start making you. It's a madness that will drive you crazy, so take the keys, apply your faith, and do the best you can. That's all He ask of us because He wants us to depend on Him for the rest.
This is a season of pruning for me. God is specifically guiding me so that I can make the best decisions now concerning my future with Adrianne and our possible kids. I have to make good choices now so that my future self can benefit. There's great regret for not making payments towards my loans when I should have and maxing out credit cards I couldn't pay off in a reasonable amount of time. When you're young, consequences appear to be optional , not unavoidable. They are the pile of dirty clothes you toss into the closet, hoping the door stays closed long enough to keep out the smell. Eventually, flies will surface and spread upon your clean wardrobe. I'm certain you don't want the bad mixing with the old. If that's the case, everything is ruined, requiring a clean sweep that could have been avoided.
I write this to say that despite all, I'm still going, pushing through the madness. Fortunately, I've had a spirit of consistency and persistence. Nothing can stop me once I put my mind to it. Only God can provide a halt that will stop in my tracks and cause me to pivot (my sister sent me a birthday card, emphasizing the word "pivot" from the show, Friends, when Ross--well, never mind ). Maybe that's what I should do--pivot. I've been going at this all wrong. Instead of seeing what I don't have, focus on what I do. I repeat often that God gives you what you need and if more is required, more will be acquired, but by His will. Some may read this and believe I'm being too religious. That's understandable. Basically, if you need more, you'll get more. Simple as that. I've had a bad experience with finances since I started working at the age of 17. No one taught me how to save and spend. Now that I'm older, I have to learn this for the first time because it's no longer about me. As a soon-to-be husband, it makes a great difference.
If there is anything you can take from this, please consider the following: you are not your credit score, you are not your student loans, and you are not irresponsible with money, just misguided. You have the intent and potential to make wise, financial decisions. You have to be willing to put them into practice. I mentioned that we all are possibly in 1 of 3 seasons--the season of receiving, the season of letting go, or the season of both. What do you want tomorrow and what are you willing to give up today to make that happen? I'm willing to give up my old self so my current self can relax and not carry him like I have. This life is too short. Put yourself in the position to make better choices before your bad ones start making you. It's a madness that will drive you crazy, so take the keys, apply your faith, and do the best you can. That's all He ask of us because He wants us to depend on Him for the rest.
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