Torture in Paradise

Praying to God and getting what you asked for comes in different forms. Most of us experience that which we desired in a way that was believable, such as giving birth to a child or getting married to the love of your life. You can actually touch, smell, see and hear your request. Your answered prayers can come in forms of changed behavior in others or in yourself. It’s easier to understand when things come into fruition, accepted by your human senses and basic comprehension . So what do you do when God says yes , but no?

Confused ? Yeah, so was I when I experienced this months ago. It all started after I was accepted to be interviewed for a position in Palm Beach , Florida. This took place during the final stage of the interviewing process. The position’s HR department and a few employees sent over an itinerary for their one-day hiring event back in September of this year. I flew in on a Tuesday and returned on a Thursday (all-expense paid). It was a rewarding opportunity. The staff at the facility was very nice and personable. I walked away full of encouragement, despite my nervous disposition.

Prior to that week , I was contemplating with God, wondering if this was the right move to make. I didn’t hear Him say no, for things were still proceeding. So, I pressed forward, excited and expecting this to be my big break. My wife and I were already looking at places to live and restaurants to check out while adapting to the Florida lifestyle. We both collaborated on the will to trust God with what we couldn’t see (the future).

The last day of the trip involved me saying goodbye to the staff members I did meet, including the seasoned employee with whom I’ve been communicating since the onset of finding the job posting. I was told to wait a couple of days before hearing back from them with a final decision. I arrived home to tell my wife it was all in God’s hands at that point (not like it never was, but you get the picture). The weekend passed before the following work week began. My shift was ending around 5pm on a Tuesday when I received a text from the designated employee. She asked to speak to me once I clocked out for the day. We connected via phone call and proceeded to address their final decision concerning my interviews.

She began the conversation by saying everyone with whom I met really wanted me to take the position. Despite not having experience in the field , she and others praised my character, for they were concerned more about who I am opposed to just what I can do. Anyone can get a job, but not everyone can keep it. She went on to state how awesome it was to meet me and that it would be fitting to have me fill the vacant position. She proceeded to inform me that unfortunately, their company was undergoing budget cuts. They had to decide in which open role they wanted to invest a salary. Let’s just say it wasn’t the one for which I applied. She sounded very upset , for it was fresh news for her department and probably that of others. I, on the other hand, was shocked and confused. I thought to myself, God…ummm…huh?

This was a curve ball neither one of us saw coming. She sounded just as shocked as I was. There was nothing I could say. She stated she felt terrible and wanted to stay in contact just in case something changed over the next few months. It is now the end of November. I reached out a few times , but received no reply. Maybe the position was filled and I didn’t know it. There are several possibilities of what might have happened. The idea that similar bad experiences happened to me earlier in the year started to confirm a trend of closed doors. When you have the chance, listen to Pastor' Steven Chandler's sermon titled "The Blessing of a Closed Door". Maybe it was God telling me no in the middle of my persistence. Maybe He wanted me to go so far as to be reminded of why He doesn’t want me to get involved with this particular opportunity. It felt as if God said yes…and changed His mind. This decision meant there was no more looking for apartments or thinking about eateries to explore on weekends in The Sunshine State . I was back at the beginning , seeking to find something that fed into my purpose.

The issue was that I was pursuing my purpose…not God's. I have to remember that our purpose of being is to glorify God. Every natural impulse we possessed before sin was rooted in furthering God's Kingdom. His request was simply this: "rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground" (Genesis 1:26) and "to Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground" (verse 28). Our purpose becomes God's when we are in direct relationship with Him, for He knows what's best for us. 

There is difficulty in attempting to decipher God’s yes and no in the middle of our mess. We don’t know if He’s saying go left or go down. Looking for His hand of provision is hard not to do. We become so submerged in our hell that we are desperate to take what He promises us just to get out of it. The issue is we constantly find ourselves back in it. We know it could have been avoided had we been still so He could work through us, not for us. Sometimes, God will say no, yes, wait, or nothing at all. That's when it really gets frustrating. 

What I had to recall was that God is always working in my favor. I have to remember to be in position to not only hear Him when I can, but know who He is and how consistent He always will be. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I did know who had the last say so...and always does. I thought, how could I get so high up on the mountain...only to come to a cliff with an endless drop? Maybe God was saying that's not how far He wants me to fall. Maybe He wanted me to see just how high I can go before fear kicks in, preventing me from going farther (I admit, I was terrified the entire trip). He tells us several times to be still and know He is God (Psalm 46:10). I believe God said no to the mountain...because He wants me in the clouds. It will take time, effort, and change of habits. He's preparing me for something greater. He's molding me into a solution for a problem. I still require much growth and much learning. As long as I'm living, I'm forever a cup half full, always available to be poured into...so that I can pour into others.