I Am Weak, But I Am Worthy
If you're not a true fan of my blog, you're probably not going to like what I'm about to say. It may expose some inner insecurities or battles that you're facing. This realization will only be a good thing because it will open your eyes to the possibility of freedom. I'll start by saying this: Kobe Bryant, Donald Trump, R. Kelly, Bill O'Reilly, Matt Lauer, and Harvey Weinstein have one thing in common--they are covered by grace. Hard to believe, right? According to the gospel, it's true. That ol' John 3:16 reads, For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son...
Yes, the rest expresses that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish, but have every lasting life, but these men are initially covered by God's insurance policy. Whatever they've done, doing and will do, they never have to settle for the stain of sin. It doesn't define them. Despite their intentions, no one will ever grant them as much grace as God has. That is definite.
I was informed that I have a target on my back. This makes it simple to blame someone else for having a hit out on me. The question would be, what did I do to deserve it? Sometimes, the answer can be nothing. We could be good men, minding our own business, then suddenly, a woman in the upstairs department with a cute smile, long hair, and nice outfit shoots us an email and down the rabbit hole we fall. Being targeted doesn't always mean that you've done wrong. The arrow/bullet will find you, even if you live with great nobility. Look at Jesus. He was a carpenter that never married or had kids. He sought out the will of His father, healing the sick and raising the dead, only to end up high on a cross, bleeding from his head, back, sides, wrists, and ankles. Many may agree that like the men on his left and right, death was just. Probably not enough. Who are we to decide that, right? It's only human that we grant suggestions as to how one should pay for what they've done. Well, Jesus' crucifixion was the perfect example: whether you're a thief or the messiah, the world is after you. Let me be more specific. The devil is after you.
The battles we fight are beyond our hands, our thoughts and actions. The war isn't what we see, but what we feel. Everything else are symptoms of a much bigger issue. Take an addiction, for instance. The symptoms of the bigger issue is drinking too much, watching an excessive amount of pornography, flirting with someone with intentions of fulfilling sexual favors, and many other psychological chains. The awful part of it all is others catching the residue of our mistakes and bad decisions. We can never pick the casualties in the fight. Things would have been easier if we never engaged in combat from the beginning. It's because of our setbacks that many would describe us as weak, but that doesn't mean we're not worthy. Samson was a womanizer. Noah was a drunk. Moses was a murderer, yet God used them for the bigger mission at hand--fulfilling His will. Allow me to give you my small rap sheet:
2011: Aborted my first/only child
2012: Borrowed $2400 because I didn't (not couldn't) pay my rent for four months
2014: Cheated on my girlfriend (at the time)
The list can go on, but it would defeat the point. Despite all of this, I still graduated from undergrad. I started a local podcast. I took a life, yet mine still proceeds. My mistakes are multiplying. The seeds I've sown are blossoming fruit. Maybe more will emerge. Who knows, but all of this is covered by an insurance policy spelled out in the gospel. I use not it to justify my actions, but verify that they have no hold on me. My steps are ordered. The decisions have been made. All I have to do is live. I was weak with sexual temptation seven years ago, but I was worthy to be given a chance to become celibate. I was weak with money management, but I was worthy to get a job with more benefits. I was weak with impatience and insecurity, seeking appeasement in the presence of someone other than whom I was dating, but I was worthy to meet someone who satisfied my need for an intimate friendship.
I don't deserve better, you may say. Honestly, you don't. We don't, but we're worthy. We're worthy because all was covered over 2,000 years ago. The signature in blood has been signed. Here's the thing: one should not continue to partake of unworthy actions if one was highly convicted of them, especially if their record was cleared. I quoted Andy Mineo a while back, for again, he stated you live different when you know you been forgiven ("All We Got", Never Land, 2014). How can you not alter your ways. How can you not reconstruct your perspective because obviously, your focus was distorted. I deserve worst, but didn't get it. That is mercy. I got better, but didn't deserve it. That is grace. My left pinky knuckle is a constant reminder that I can't fight spiritual wars with physical weapons, for they are made obsolete...every time. The torture is beyond the surface. Though you may see that I am weak, underneath, I am worthy because of something much bigger than me. I've done wrong, but I'm worthy to push down pillars of a building, build a boat and start a civilization, and deliver a nation from captivity. My specific calling calls for all my mishaps, hiccups, downfalls, and upgrades. My weakness is my strength, for in it, I find power in the only one who can supply it.
Yes, the rest expresses that whosoever believes in Him shall not parish, but have every lasting life, but these men are initially covered by God's insurance policy. Whatever they've done, doing and will do, they never have to settle for the stain of sin. It doesn't define them. Despite their intentions, no one will ever grant them as much grace as God has. That is definite.
I was informed that I have a target on my back. This makes it simple to blame someone else for having a hit out on me. The question would be, what did I do to deserve it? Sometimes, the answer can be nothing. We could be good men, minding our own business, then suddenly, a woman in the upstairs department with a cute smile, long hair, and nice outfit shoots us an email and down the rabbit hole we fall. Being targeted doesn't always mean that you've done wrong. The arrow/bullet will find you, even if you live with great nobility. Look at Jesus. He was a carpenter that never married or had kids. He sought out the will of His father, healing the sick and raising the dead, only to end up high on a cross, bleeding from his head, back, sides, wrists, and ankles. Many may agree that like the men on his left and right, death was just. Probably not enough. Who are we to decide that, right? It's only human that we grant suggestions as to how one should pay for what they've done. Well, Jesus' crucifixion was the perfect example: whether you're a thief or the messiah, the world is after you. Let me be more specific. The devil is after you.
The battles we fight are beyond our hands, our thoughts and actions. The war isn't what we see, but what we feel. Everything else are symptoms of a much bigger issue. Take an addiction, for instance. The symptoms of the bigger issue is drinking too much, watching an excessive amount of pornography, flirting with someone with intentions of fulfilling sexual favors, and many other psychological chains. The awful part of it all is others catching the residue of our mistakes and bad decisions. We can never pick the casualties in the fight. Things would have been easier if we never engaged in combat from the beginning. It's because of our setbacks that many would describe us as weak, but that doesn't mean we're not worthy. Samson was a womanizer. Noah was a drunk. Moses was a murderer, yet God used them for the bigger mission at hand--fulfilling His will. Allow me to give you my small rap sheet:
2011: Aborted my first/only child
2012: Borrowed $2400 because I didn't (not couldn't) pay my rent for four months
2014: Cheated on my girlfriend (at the time)
The list can go on, but it would defeat the point. Despite all of this, I still graduated from undergrad. I started a local podcast. I took a life, yet mine still proceeds. My mistakes are multiplying. The seeds I've sown are blossoming fruit. Maybe more will emerge. Who knows, but all of this is covered by an insurance policy spelled out in the gospel. I use not it to justify my actions, but verify that they have no hold on me. My steps are ordered. The decisions have been made. All I have to do is live. I was weak with sexual temptation seven years ago, but I was worthy to be given a chance to become celibate. I was weak with money management, but I was worthy to get a job with more benefits. I was weak with impatience and insecurity, seeking appeasement in the presence of someone other than whom I was dating, but I was worthy to meet someone who satisfied my need for an intimate friendship.
I don't deserve better, you may say. Honestly, you don't. We don't, but we're worthy. We're worthy because all was covered over 2,000 years ago. The signature in blood has been signed. Here's the thing: one should not continue to partake of unworthy actions if one was highly convicted of them, especially if their record was cleared. I quoted Andy Mineo a while back, for again, he stated you live different when you know you been forgiven ("All We Got", Never Land, 2014). How can you not alter your ways. How can you not reconstruct your perspective because obviously, your focus was distorted. I deserve worst, but didn't get it. That is mercy. I got better, but didn't deserve it. That is grace. My left pinky knuckle is a constant reminder that I can't fight spiritual wars with physical weapons, for they are made obsolete...every time. The torture is beyond the surface. Though you may see that I am weak, underneath, I am worthy because of something much bigger than me. I've done wrong, but I'm worthy to push down pillars of a building, build a boat and start a civilization, and deliver a nation from captivity. My specific calling calls for all my mishaps, hiccups, downfalls, and upgrades. My weakness is my strength, for in it, I find power in the only one who can supply it.
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