Kroger, Wife and Ex Encounter

My wife and I were shopping through Kroger on a nice Sunday evening. The sun was going down, but not our urge to enjoy a nice dessert before ending our outing. It was on our list to grocery shop before heading over to Cold Stone for some good ice cream. We were walking in the back amongst the packaged meat, heading towards the isle with the peanut butter and jelly. My wife was in front of me pushing the basket, for I was reading an article on my phone (that's what happens when you get older). My wife reached the isle where she had to pass through two women talking. They both separated, giving my wife room to walk through. 

Seeing that I was right behind her, I proceeded to walk between them. I glanced up at their eyes above their masks, sensing familiarity with their profiles. I was approaching my wife standing in front of the peanut butter as my heart rate increased. My mind took me back 11 years. It took me back to college when I was making all kinds of bad choices. My wife asked if something was the matter. I proceeded to say that the one of the two women we passed...was my ex from college...and the other woman was her mother. I felt my heart beating in my eye sockets. While looking at my wife, I became thankful for where I was in life. Most importantly, I became okay with possibly being the villain in someone else's story. 

Eleven years ago, I was a different person, a different man. My opinions stayed suppressed. My finances were disorganized and unreliable. My college accomplishments lacked dedication and consistency. I was in a bad place. Unfortunately, I was taking someone along with me. My girlfriend at the time (who is the ex we ran into at Kroger) was looking for me to make better decisions. She took it upon herself to do what she felt needed to be done because I wasn't taking any initiative. I was working somewhere I hated, yet took no advancement towards leaving or growing in the company. 

Remaining stationary in my unhappiness and depression was easy. I made self-harm suitable for my current condition. It was spilling over unto my ex who was already experiencing her own disfunction. We were killing each other from the inside out. We were cancerous to our emotional stability. Our relationship ended with us aborting a baby. It was something we didn't want to do. Fast-forward to 2021 where I run into her after many attempts to find closure via random text messages and social media friend requests. We figured it was respectful towards our spouses to not contact each other at all. I take fault in causing some harm towards her and for that, I'm deeply remorseful. I do not, on the other hand, apologize for doing what's best for me and my life going forward. I hope she feels the same.

We might not see each other again for another decade. We might not ever cross paths. That incident was probably a come--creating an opportunity that arrives every 1,000 years. Thankfully, it wasn't just a sight to see, but a reminder to encourage each other to live life, despite our mistakes. Though it was uncomfortable and intensely awkward, I walked away content with making someone upset, despite my intentions. I can't control how someone receives me. I am not the king of someone's feelings. 

Knowing me, I wanted to say hello, be respectful, but not speaking in this case was the most respectful thing I could have done. Most of us assume since the past is the past, the future leaves room for a restart. I wonder if we ask ourselves, is this person ready to begin again? We take for granted the space and time between now and the last, unfortunate incident. Wounds do heal, but not everyone forgets the cut. Keeping our distance doesn't just apply to wearing masks and shopping six feet apart. It also means saying no to the urge to do what you think is best...because that just might be a bad idea. If it helps, do what I did: acknowledge where you were, be thankful for where you are, and look forward to where you're going.