Fellas, Can We Not Control Ourselves?
Everyday during lunch, I take a nap. I need it more than I do the food, you feel me? I wake up 15-20 minutes after I close my eyes. It happens every time. I look over towards a computer where students can print out documents. It's the only one on the floor. I notice a young lady leaning against the counter. There are two men near her--one is on her left and the other is behind her. I notice her talking to one, but the one behind her appeared preoccupied. I may be over-exaggerating, but I think I saw him placing his phone underneath her in order to see what was up her skirt. It happened so swiftly. It was unclear to whether he was putting his phone down to gather his things or simply sneak a peak while using the other guy as a distraction. I couldn't tell. It's easy to assume the better since both were medical students dressed in presentable, casual attire while sporting traditional white coats.
The young lady was smiling and laughing with the gentlemen during a conversation. You would have thought they had been friends for years. What was the other guy doing while having his phone on the floor? Were the men working together to do something secretly perverted? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to risk being wrong. That incident shook me because they executed the act unnoticed...or was it if I ended up catching them? Fellas, think back to high school when we would go out of our childish ways to touch a girl inappropriately, only to hear them laugh and assume it's cute...when it actually isn't. If our boundaries are not tested then or anytime after, we gather the assumption that our actions have no bad consequences or at least any we can see.
How do we expect women to be treated with respect when we're not displaying it? If this young man was taking unacceptable footage of a woman's private wear, it goes without saying that he knows it's wrong, but has yet to be held accountable. As a fellow man with my own personal faults, I felt disgusted. It was if he was taking something from her outside of her consent, even if it was just a picture or video. Taking something that's not yours devalues the worth we place on it. Apparently, it's nothing worth preserving or earning...and earning trust is difficult because it's hard to keep and easy to lose. This reminds me of Theodore Robert Bundy who was a mass serial killer of women in the 1970s. His approach was just as jarring as verbally or physically harassing any women beyond their restraint. We want to blame women for wearing clothing that compliments their bodies, but refuse to look away, confirming our lack of control. As men, we have no hand in how women handle their bodies. I leave that up to God. Yes, one day, Lord-willing, I'll be a father to a daughter (or son). I will do my best to teach them to respect others and most importantly, respect themselves. How they go about doing so is totally up to them.
If this gentleman was using his phone, how can we prevent this in the future? I personally believe that by us continuing to have candid conversations with the opposite sex with a sense of empathy and sympathy, we can gain a understanding of what if feels like to be a woman constantly attacked by the eyes, minds, and hands of men. We can change this stigma by modifying our own behaviors, despite our good intentions. Fellas, we have to do better. We must...for our wives, sisters, friends, and daughters. They don't trust us because we're trying, but because we refuse to do so. Let's manage our impulses. Let's find mental escape routes so we don't fall at the demise of our self-control.
The young lady was smiling and laughing with the gentlemen during a conversation. You would have thought they had been friends for years. What was the other guy doing while having his phone on the floor? Were the men working together to do something secretly perverted? I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to risk being wrong. That incident shook me because they executed the act unnoticed...or was it if I ended up catching them? Fellas, think back to high school when we would go out of our childish ways to touch a girl inappropriately, only to hear them laugh and assume it's cute...when it actually isn't. If our boundaries are not tested then or anytime after, we gather the assumption that our actions have no bad consequences or at least any we can see.
How do we expect women to be treated with respect when we're not displaying it? If this young man was taking unacceptable footage of a woman's private wear, it goes without saying that he knows it's wrong, but has yet to be held accountable. As a fellow man with my own personal faults, I felt disgusted. It was if he was taking something from her outside of her consent, even if it was just a picture or video. Taking something that's not yours devalues the worth we place on it. Apparently, it's nothing worth preserving or earning...and earning trust is difficult because it's hard to keep and easy to lose. This reminds me of Theodore Robert Bundy who was a mass serial killer of women in the 1970s. His approach was just as jarring as verbally or physically harassing any women beyond their restraint. We want to blame women for wearing clothing that compliments their bodies, but refuse to look away, confirming our lack of control. As men, we have no hand in how women handle their bodies. I leave that up to God. Yes, one day, Lord-willing, I'll be a father to a daughter (or son). I will do my best to teach them to respect others and most importantly, respect themselves. How they go about doing so is totally up to them.
If this gentleman was using his phone, how can we prevent this in the future? I personally believe that by us continuing to have candid conversations with the opposite sex with a sense of empathy and sympathy, we can gain a understanding of what if feels like to be a woman constantly attacked by the eyes, minds, and hands of men. We can change this stigma by modifying our own behaviors, despite our good intentions. Fellas, we have to do better. We must...for our wives, sisters, friends, and daughters. They don't trust us because we're trying, but because we refuse to do so. Let's manage our impulses. Let's find mental escape routes so we don't fall at the demise of our self-control.
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