Coming Back Down
I'm a tall man. Not taller than most six-footers-plus, but long enough to look down at a few people on the five foot range. This is not a reference to superiority or class difference. It is a matter of physicality. Because of my height, I deserve a queen to king size bed. I deserve a bed when I can extend all four limbs and have room to reach for all four corners and never find an edge. I deserve a working air conditioner blowing air through vents, causing me to smother in thin sheets with a random foot and leg out to fill the soothing chill of bed time . I deserve more room to walk around outside of the mattress, especially to search through drawers and shuffle through shirts and socks. I deserve a working ceiling light overlooking a good size desk. I deserve to see it decorated with pictures, books, journals, and Marvel/DC collectibles. I deserve new Chuck Taylor's to wear when I'm off from work and a fridge full of edibles to ensure that my appetite never has to ask a question. I deserve solitude. I deserve space. I deserve my own...but do I really?
I didn't save money to acquire these pleasures nor place myself in a position to accumulate it. I haven't been searching for a better job. I haven't sacrificed time with leisure for work pertaining to research, reading God's word and making sure the house stays clean and hospitable . I haven't planned . I haven't really dreamt . Most importantly, I haven't prayed. THIS is where it starts. The idea comes first and action follows. I am in the position by way of breathing and being God's son to do whatever my soul yearns. I have to accept the bigger fate and realize that I am apart of a plan instead everything being an aspect of me and what I can possibly do as an individual. What I deserve is to be neglected , degraded , shunned , ignored, broken, torn, and extremely hurt enough to prefer death over living. I deserve destruction, but God has chosen to continue production, despite the cracks and lack of human resources.
One day, I will have these things. No, they will not make me happy. They will not fix all of my problems. The truth is that if I really wanted them, they are mine for the taking. I owe my soul to Him because despite all that has happened , He has kept my spirit intact. I'm not waiting to receive them. God is waiting for me to place myself in the position to receive. What one expects won't come immediately , but it will eventually. What I have to do is sow my seeds and reap whatever God has set aside for me. My actions must increase to produce results. I don't want to give into unhappiness. That is my biggest concern--contentment without benefits . I will be thirty in two and a half months. I would love to have a different job and have my own place. What am I doing to acquire these wishes? Nothing. There lies the source--inaction . It all links back to the lack of movement . I'm repeating myself only because the message can't be any more clear. There it is on your plate. Fork it, savor the flavor and digest, my friend. This is one meal that's taking me long to consume before leaving the table. Plus, I can't have dessert until I'm done . That vanilla ice-cream and brownie is waiting for me. I better get to eating.
I didn't save money to acquire these pleasures nor place myself in a position to accumulate it. I haven't been searching for a better job. I haven't sacrificed time with leisure for work pertaining to research, reading God's word and making sure the house stays clean and hospitable . I haven't planned . I haven't really dreamt . Most importantly, I haven't prayed. THIS is where it starts. The idea comes first and action follows. I am in the position by way of breathing and being God's son to do whatever my soul yearns. I have to accept the bigger fate and realize that I am apart of a plan instead everything being an aspect of me and what I can possibly do as an individual. What I deserve is to be neglected , degraded , shunned , ignored, broken, torn, and extremely hurt enough to prefer death over living. I deserve destruction, but God has chosen to continue production, despite the cracks and lack of human resources.
One day, I will have these things. No, they will not make me happy. They will not fix all of my problems. The truth is that if I really wanted them, they are mine for the taking. I owe my soul to Him because despite all that has happened , He has kept my spirit intact. I'm not waiting to receive them. God is waiting for me to place myself in the position to receive. What one expects won't come immediately , but it will eventually. What I have to do is sow my seeds and reap whatever God has set aside for me. My actions must increase to produce results. I don't want to give into unhappiness. That is my biggest concern--contentment without benefits . I will be thirty in two and a half months. I would love to have a different job and have my own place. What am I doing to acquire these wishes? Nothing. There lies the source--inaction . It all links back to the lack of movement . I'm repeating myself only because the message can't be any more clear. There it is on your plate. Fork it, savor the flavor and digest, my friend. This is one meal that's taking me long to consume before leaving the table. Plus, I can't have dessert until I'm done . That vanilla ice-cream and brownie is waiting for me. I better get to eating.
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